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“I gladly make the ‘sacrifice’ of fear.”

– A Course in Miracles, Lesson 323

The one time I got to see A Course in Miracles teacher Marianne Williamson in person, she called on me to ask a question – and I blew it. With my voice quivering and my hands sweating (I mean this is one of my heroines, after all), I asked some convoluted question about sacrifice.

I could feel her eyes rolling at me. Not really an original kind of question for someone who studies and talks about the Course nonstop. I honestly don’t remember one word of her answer to me, but I imagine whatever she said was the summation of this lesson. We are not called to “sacrifice” anything in this world, except our fear.

What kept me from hearing her in that moment (other than being starstruck) was my … wait for it … fear. I had arrived at her workshop that weekend wracked with fear. I was just beginning to embrace the ideas and concepts of the Course and I was genuinely afraid that it would cost me everything I had built and held dear – my romantic relationship, my relationships with others who didn’t cotton to this whole metaphysical “nonsense” and professional spiritual avenues that I had been pursuing.

Lesson 296: The Holy Spirit speaks through me today.

Several years ago, I wrote columns for a website called Religion Dispatches. I had a lot to say about topics at the intersection of religion and politics. One day, my editor asked me to write a piece very quickly about a celebrity known for anti-gay statements and actions. I wrote the piece in less than 30 minutes.

A fellow writer remarked in an email: “Wow, you are a machine.”

I certainly was. I could churn out commentary criticizing opponents of liberal ideas and causes in a New York minute. I had a lot to say. I had a lot of grievances to offer.

I’ve been a student of A Course in Miracles for at least the past three years and what I find these days is that I don’t have a lot to say about those who oppose the things I believe to be right and true. It’s not that I’m not dedicated to my causes anymore. I am – maybe even more so than before.

What I learned as a student of the Course is this: You can have a grievance, or you can have a miracle.

“Help me to use the eyes of Christ today, and thus allow the Holy Spirit’s Love to bless all things which I may look upon, that His forgiving Love may rest on me.”
– Lesson 295, A Course in Miracles

According to the Course, a miracle is simply a change in perspective. I say “simply,” but, of course, we know that while we are under the spell of the ego, there’s nothing “simple” about changing our perspective on the world.

The ego, which speaks first and loudest, tells us to just look out onto the world for proof that it’s all going to hell in a handbasket. A pandemic, political power grabs, ongoing wars, division and the growth of sectarian tribalism, violence and the threat of violence. “It’s all there. See for yourself,” the ego tells us.

Lesson 66: My happiness and my function are one.

As a Southern Baptist kid, I was raised with a very stern picture of who God was supposed to be, what He (and it was always a He) was like and what he expected of we humans He created. We were to be good, obedient and eternally sorry for being born such terrible, awful, sinning creatures.

This old man God, I was told, was love, but at the same time, he had a short fuse and if you stepped one toe over the line, Sweet Jesus, you would be severely punished – maybe even sent to an eternal fiery hell for all of eternity. This God of unity and love was not afraid to use the threat of eternal separation as a weapon to keep we puny, recalcitrant humans in line.

The idea that God wanted me to be happy never entered my mind. Happiness, we learned, was fleeting in this life. You only got to be happy when you were dead and in heaven, receiving that eternal reward for having no actual fun or pleasure in this life. It was that fickle, punishing god that I walked away from when I realized I was a lesbian. I was told that this loving, awful god would condemn me to hell for seeking out some form of happiness in this life with another woman. Even if those arguing with me granted that I was “born this way,” I still had to deny an innate part of myself – and deny myself any form of happiness in a relationship – to avoid the fiery pits of an eternal hell.

Say what? No way.

Lesson 26: My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability.

As I write today’s lesson, there is a political firestorm raging in Washington, D.C., as the US Senate considers impeachment of the president – and a common belief in a foregone conclusion. There is a deadly virus spreading around the world from China. Basketball legend Kobe Bryant and his 13-year-old daughter were killed in a helicopter crash in California. Australia is still recovering from devastating wildfires.

People are suffering. Political turmoil has torn the country – and families and friends – apart. Our world of separation seems to get worse by the second.

We have several choices, of course. For those of us still in the middle class, we can check out, ignore the news. Try to stay relatively informed while remaining sane – or what passes for sane in this insane world. We can take to the streets and protest and fight back and resist – which is great if we undertake such things from a spirit of love and compassion – but most often we’re marching in a spirit of rage and cynicism, which breeds more of both.

Or, we can realize that the only thing causing all this suffering is us – namely the thoughts we think – and the effects they cause in this world. The suffering is certainly felt here in this world – the grieving families, the warring factions, the animals and humans killed and displaced by fire. We must cope with the events that happen in our world – but don’t have to be overcome by them.