Lesson 5: I am never upset for the reason I think.
When someone does something that hurts my feelings or leaves a relationship in tatters, placing blame is usually pretty easy. We all have our “somebody done us wrong” stories, and for the most part, we stick to them. We know why we’re upset – that person hurt us, betrayed us, lied to us or otherwise disregarded us in some way.
Today’s lesson is an invitation to a deeper understanding of how we allow the world to upset our peace and lead us into the ego’s favorite games of blame and shame.
Did something someone did – or didn’t do – really cause my upset, or is that my own doing all along? Questioning our thoughts around why we are really upset can bring us back into alignment with spirit – back into the peace of higher, divine self.
“I’m not angry at (my friend, my boss, my coworker, my partner/spouse) for the reason I think,” says the exercise for today. Honestly, this exercise, for me, isn’t about getting to the root of why I might actually be angry. The lesson isn’t a therapy session for us to “rightly” assign blame. Instead, it’s trying to get us to see this: “There are no small upsets. They are all equally disturbing to my peace of mind.”
Whatever we are upset about is keeping us from living in the peace we desire – it prevents us from touching that place of peace that passes understanding that lives constantly within us, beckoning us out beyond the fields of wrong and right or blame and shame.
This exercise, I believe, is meant to call us to rise about the ego’s finger pointing and see that whatever transgression we’ve identified as being perpetrated against us – dwelling on it does us no good. It simply takes us out of the peace we seek.
“But,” you may protest, “the consequences of the action are real. Relationships are damaged. What I fear has come to pass.”
This lesson, in no way, denies the consequences of whatever has us upset or fearful, but reminds us that no matter who we feel is to “blame” or what kind of fall out may result from the actions of ourselves and those around us – peace is available. If we can put aside our grievances long enough to consider the inherent innocence of everyone we deem guilty of hurting us – we can be open to a miracle of reconciliation occurring.
As Marianne Williamson tells us, the Course teaches that we can either have a grievance or a miracle. We can’t have both. This lesson invites us to let go of our grievances – our longing for revenge – long enough for the miracle to occur.
Or, as Hafiz puts it:
At the
height of the action of longing or in the
perfect resistance to all the forces of morals …
everything can stop
That is
where you want to be, where’ the clock’s
tyranny has lost its influence.
The door prize
is, heaven wraps itself in a box
and places itself at your feet.