Month: April 2020

Lesson 121: Forgiveness is the key to happiness.

Who am I without my grievances? I used to make a pretty good living writing for a blog about the intersection between religion and politics. One of my fellow writers questioned if I was really human because I could spit out scathing opinion articles in the blink of an eye. I knew who the enemies were, where the bodies were buried, and how to cover you in so many logical arguments it would leave you sputtering.

A Course in Miracles ruined all of that.

Now, I find it hard to form a cogent political and religious argument. It’s not that I can’t. Given the time and effort, I certainly could recapture my arguing glory days, but, now, I simply don’t want to. What did all of my previous arguing do for me, other than earn some money to pay bills? I mean, that was great, but it’s not like my breathless pixelated creations really changed anything. The snarky writing and praise from those who agreed with me felt good and all, but, really, was that truly who I am? After a while, it just became too painful to continue. It really wasn’t me – not as the Course was describing the real me, anyway.

This lesson describes the false self – the ego – and how it perceives the world. The ego is the “unforgiving mind” that sees only the sins of others. It is “full of fear, and offers love no room to be itself,” this lesson says. It is sad, full of doubt, angry and chooses to live in misery.

Continue reading “AYoMW: April 30, 2020 — A Course in Miracles ruined my life. Thank you!”

Lesson 120: Review of
Lesson 109: I rest in God, and
Lesson 110: I am as God created me.

I need a vacation. It’s not like I can go anywhere, though. I can’t rent a cabin in the woods, or even take a day-trip to a brewery I haven’t tried yet, let alone jet off to some far-flung place on the map. In this time of pandemic, a change of scenery outside of my own living room and neighborhood is pretty much off limits.

But, I still need a vacation. I need a chance to rest – a chance to not be responsible for anything or anyone other than my personal needs and my pets. No deadlines, no pressure, no expectation from anyone else. I really feel the need to lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling for a week.

Even then, I doubt I’ll feel rested and refreshed and ready to dive back into the work that will inevitably pile up. Vacations in this bodily world are one of the biggest illusions – the idea that we can even “get away from it all” is pretty funny once you think about it. We seek to escape this dream by creating a different dream in a different location.

It’s exhausting.

Continue reading “AYoMW: April 29, 2020 — I need a vacation”

Lesson 119: Review of
Lesson 107: Truth will correct all errors in my mind, and
Lesson 108: To give and receive are one in truth.

My ego is having a big problem with today’s lesson, especially this line:

“I am mistaken when I think I can be hurt in any way.”

Obviously, this lesson wasn’t written during a time of pandemic, when bodily threats that can hurt and kill us lurk behind every product we pick up at the grocery store. The ego, of course, is concerned first and foremost with the body. It is its home and it is always on the lookout for any threats to it.

Nobody wants to get sick. Nobody wants to die. The ego is especially keen to keep us fixated on our bodies – what they look like, how they feel, how we use them to experience the world around us.

A Course in Miracles is not so much concerned with the body. According to its philosophy, we only created this bodily world because we have forgotten that we truly are not bodies at all – but are actually thoughts in the mind of God who have never left their divine home. The bodily world, then, is where we have landed in our forgetfulness and everything we see and experience here can be used by the Holy Spirit to remind us of our true, spiritual identity.

Continue reading “AYoMW: April 28, 2020 — Flea bites from God”

Lesson 118: Review of
Lesson 105: God’s peace and joy are mine, and
Lesson 106: Let me be still and listen to the truth.

Today’s lesson calls our internal voice – that incessant chattering ego – our “feeble voice.” That’s not what I would call the raucous and loud voice that speaks first and loudest about every little thing I encounter during the course of the day. That voice hardly seems “feeble.” It always has an opinion. It always has a judgment and a grievance at the ready no matter what situation I find myself in. Feeble isn’t exactly what it feels like. It feels overpowering on most days.

That is, of course, what the ego likes to hear. It loves to know that I have handed over my will and my power to it so it can run my life – and ruin my life. That’s its job, after all, to convince me that darkness is better than light, fear is better than love and despair beats the socks off of hope. Most days, I must admit, it wins the battle.

That’s only because I forget – a lot. I forget that God’s peace and joy are mine. I forget that this is my heritage – a gift from my creator that I can unwrap and enjoy any moment that I choose.

We forget that we have a choice. The voice of the ego may ultimately be “feeble” but when we’re tuning in to it, it can be a pretty overwhelmingly powerful influence over how we make choices and live our lives.

Continue reading “AYoMW: April 27, 2020 — Quiet down! I’m trying not to think!”

Lesson 117: Review of
Lesson 103: God, being Love, is also happiness, and
Lesson 104: I seek but what belongs to me in truth

I recall when aspartame first came onto the market. I was in a community college biology class and our instructor mapped out the molecular structure of the new artificial sweetener.

“Right there,” he pointed to a question mark he had added to the end of the chain, “is why I won’t ever touch this stuff. This unknown molecule means it’s not safe for human consumption.”

Nevertheless, I spent years after this dire warning drinking diet soda products in the name of “losing weight” and cutting sugar in my diet. These days, of course, we know the health risks of aspartame and other artificial sweeteners, including increased risk of heart attacks and strokes. Sugar, as damaging as some scientists say it can be to our bodies, is better than some of the chemical concoctions made to replace it.  

Continue reading “AYoMW: April 26, 2020 — Accept no substitutes”

Lesson 116: Review of
Lesson 101: God’s Will for me is perfect happiness, and
Lesson 102: I share God’s Will for happiness for me.

I blew up at myself this morning. A fairly minor technological foul-up sent me into a rage, complete with obscenities, spittle and the total destruction of a plastic trash can. I’m not proud of my outburst, by any stretch of the imagination – and I have not had such an outburst of rage in a very long time. (Yes, they used to be quite frequent when I was identifying as an angry and cynical being.)

What sparked it? Certainly not my technological glitch. It was not worth all that pent-up energy – but it did serve as a catalyst. I suppose it probably stems from the stress of these times. Coronavirus has us all on edge and being off of our normal schedules has stressed us all out. I thought I was handling it okay. I work from home all the time so that’s nothing new.

However, this pandemic has put other areas of my life in jeopardy. Will my spiritual community survive as an online only entity until we can come back together physically? Who knows how long that will be? How do we stay relevant in the meantime?

I ordered dinner from one of my favorite restaurants last night, but it wasn’t the same. The food was tasty, but what I like about this place is its funky atmosphere and its open windows during good weather. The people, the noise, the beer on tap, the friendly waitstaff and bartenders. I got none of that last night, and even stood six-feet away from another person ordering takeout as we both hoped the place would still be here when this is all over.

Continue reading “AYoMW: April 25, 2020 — Feeling sheepish”

Lesson 115: Review of
Lesson 99: Salvation is my only function here, and
Lesson 100: My part is essential to God’s plan for salvation

My Facebook feed is filled with people who are wrong … deeply, and often irretrievably wrong. I used to spend a lot of time correcting these people – starting long posts and diatribes about their wrongness and just how badly they were mistaken and engaging in hours of back and forth with people who obviously just can’t admit how wrong they really are.

Then, I read this little ditty in A Course in Miracles: “Would you rather be right or happy?”

At first, the answer was obvious: I want to be right. I want to be seen as knowledgeable, as informed, as intelligent and a contributing member of my society! Knowing I was right was what made me happy!

Or so, I believed.

Some people do live to argue – I have a sister that will argue with you all day, every day about the tiniest little thing. It seems to make her happy to challenge every little detail of another person’s argument. In reality, it is the clue to our deepest unhappiness. In a reflection on this lesson over at Pathways of Light, the author muses about our ego’s need to be right:

“The fear of not being right seems to be a greater motivator than the attraction of happiness and peace. On the surface it seems unbelievable that this could be true. But beneath the surface is the fear that if I’m not right, I do not exist.”

Continue reading “AYoMW: April 24, 2020 — Even when you’re right, you’re wrong”

Lesson 114: Review of
Lesson 97: I am spirit, and
Lesson 98: I will accept my part in God’s plan for salvation.

When I came out as both a lesbian and a Christian a couple of decades ago, I was immediately inundated with messages from strangers that I was sadly mistaken in my belief that I could be both of those things at once. I was told, point blank, that continuing to pursue a lesbian “lifestyle” (whatever that is, but I’m sure it includes cats and softball) would forever separate me from God.

My go-to Bible verse at that time was Romans 8:38-39 in which the Apostle Paul writes: “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Continue reading “AYoMW: April 23, 2020 — You’re not the boss of me”

Lesson 113: Review of
Lesson 95: I am one Self, united with my Creator.
Lesson 96: Salvation comes from my one Self.

The idea that I am “one Self, united with my Creator,” is guaranteed to make your ego emit an evil, “Muhwahaha” kind of chuckle. You can feel it rubbing its hands together, saying, “We’ll see about that.”

The ego demands that we be many selves – the self we take to work, the self we show up as in all sorts of relationships, be they intimate, casual or just in passing, the self we take to events, the self we take to religious communities. The ego insists that we need many masks, many personas, because, it direly whispers to us, “no one will like you if they saw the real you.”

Fact is, the ego won’t like you if you saw the real You – that one Self that is united with your creator. That Self is kryptonite to the ego and it’s fully invested in making you believe that you would face rejection and hatred if the world ever saw your true Self.

So, we play the game – we put on our different faces depending on the people, places and things we expect to encounter. We laugh at the jokes to keep coworkers happy, we nod and smile when the boss says something that deeply conflicts with our values, we argue politics with those who basically agree with us to avoid offending others, and on and on it goes.

Continue reading “AYoMW: April 22, 2020 — Can you see the real me?”

Lesson 112: Review of
Lesson 93: Light and joy and peace abide in me, and
Lesson 94: I am as God created me.

I had a Monday all day yesterday, and it actually started on Sunday night when I made a poor decision that will dog me for weeks to come – but will pass, as all things do.

The reason I had a bad day was simple: I listened to my ego. It told me that I was a terrible person, a crappy leader, someone whom people should never be trusting to make a good decision. It told me that no matter what I do people will be mad at me, dismiss me and worst of all, not love me anymore.

Like I said, Monday all day …

One of the things the introduction to these review lessons asks us to do is to return to these words – these wonderful words of life that each lesson offers us on the hour and the half-hour and especially whenever we find ourselves tuning in to the lying voice of our ego. It speaks first and it speaks loudest so it grabs our attention before we can take that nanosecond to remember who we truly are and which Voice we should truly be listening to.

Continue reading “AYoMW: April 21, 2020 — Stamp my ticket to paradise”